Local woman offering $500 for the head of the rabbit that’s been nipping at her petunias all summer

Cathy Wesley, a 57 year old woman living within the area, has recently posted fliers announcing a $500 dollar reward for anyone who can produce the head of a certain “pesky rabbit” who has been ruining her garden for the past couple months. Mrs. Wesley told reporters on the scene that at first she viewed the appearance of the rabbit among her flowers as “an adorable addition,” but over time the rabbit drove her to a point where she now believes it, quote, “just needs to be killed as soon as possible and preferably in front of its children so they don’t come back either.”

This apparently is not the first time Mrs. Wesley has taken a personal vendetta upon an intrusive critter. A couple months back she was visited by a woodland squirrel which she described as, “absolutely precious,” and “unbearably cute.” But after a few weeks of gathering acorns, the squirrel apparently moved on to Mrs. Wesley’s bird feeder, which as Mrs. Wesley likes to point out,

Blood will soon be spilled by Mrs. Wesley

is clearly marked “For Those With Feathers Only.” Mrs. Wesley then said in regards to the squirrel, “so that’s when I
wrung its neck and fed the carcass to my dog.”

Hillary Shepherd, an expert on women from the ages of 55-60
who take some sort of violent actions upon small forest based
creatures, stated that there has been a rising trend of women aged 55-60 “making the streets run rampant with the blood of adorable little creatures.”

When asked why she is hiring someone else to kill the pesky rabbit instead of doing the killing herself, Mrs. Wesley replied, “I’ve already had my fair share of experiences of seeing little furry animals die slowly within my fingertips. Now it’s time to allow someone else to learn this joy.”