McCain announces Tim Russert as VP

Republican presidential nominee, John McCain, announced in a press conference earlier this morning that he has named Tim Russert as his running mate for the race to the white house. Following this announcement, in which Mr. Russert could not attend because he is dead, McCain explained his reasoning as just another move for his “straight talk express” campaign agenda. McCain was then quoted as saying, “throughout this campaign I have been straight as an arrow with the American people and today is no different as I set another benchmark for straightness. I have chosen Russert as my running mate as his recent activities show an accurate insight as to what my presidency will consist of.” When asked if the recent activity he was referring to was Tim Russert’s death, McCain solemnly nodded his head and once again boasted how straight he was.

McCain’s campaign advisor, Steve Schmidt, also went on to say that they believe Russert is the right choice as he will bring in the American “dead” vote, stating, “most people are unaware of this, but the majority of human bodies residing within the United States are dead.”

To counter the announcement by the McCain campaign, which was made while sipping champagne in the rain outside Spain (actually in lower Maine) which also included talks on McCain’s potential American reign, the Obama campaign announced that 50 cent would be his vice presidential running mate, stating that he wanted to show voters that as president he would be, quote, a “fucking P.I.M.P.”